How is it that there are so many who have survived the same kind of abuse and neglect that I did and yet I feel so alone every single day of my life?  I know that there are people out there who "get it", but why can't I find them?  Why can't I connect?  As I sat here here and cried and cried today about being alone I just kept going back to my memories of my mother and my desperate need for her as a kid and even on into young adulthood.  I kept remembering her total and complete rejection of me and the one question that has plagued me my whole life long... " What is so goddamned fucking wrong with me that even my own mother could not love me?"  It's like it all goes back to this one basic fundamental question and then that is the jumping off point for all the rest of the questions about why I was sexually abused by three different men, why no one in my family thought I was important enough to get to know or truly love, why, why, why...
I feel so damaged and broken... I've said it a thousand a times.  I am in pieces... sometimes I am able to make the pieces stick together in some semblance of a person, but sometimes I am a thousand splintered pieces on the ground.  That is where I am now.  Lonely and alone and trampled on.